Dear John,

First, I would like to start out my letter to you in an introduction. I am a 40-something working mom of a tweenage girl. While I am not signed up for the Swifty club, I am a lifetime member of the Uterus Holders Club. Some of Taylor's songs are definitely catchy and I find myself singing along. Especially since I have a tweenager who runs around blasting all things Taylor while singing along at the absolute top of her lungs, and I’m here for it. It’s hard not to hum along. Either way, I think I have marked out some important info for you.

If you don't know why we are writing a letter to John, you can find his recent piece here.

Now, on to the meat and potato (singular, you get one potato) – your recent Opinion

piece, Taylor Swift Not a Good Role Model, is quite the read and a lot to unbag.  I am sure you are getting a lot of hate and blowback from your article, but this isn’t going to be that.  Overall, it wasn’t a poorly written article and did absolutely have some valid examples, from the viewpoint of a man. Of course that isn’t a bad thing, and I didn’t hate it. I would however like to clarify for you some of the things you may have missed in your most expert opinion on the types of role models girls need and what it is like being a woman, from an alternative perspective.

You do take the time to acknowledge that she has built herself a brand empire. Her particular brand benefits not only her portfolio, but has economic benefits to local communities who host her with increased revenue and the opportunity for many temporary jobs when she rolls though their town. In addition to boosts in local economies, there have been many accounts on the generous bonuses she gives to her employees and how she treats her staff, especially those on tour with her. Recent published articles, some within this last week, go on to note that she is a closet philanthropist. Taylor quietly donates to many charitable causes and organizations. Her recent trek through Europe has seen large donations to local food banks to quietly help fight hunger. She truly takes the time to use her financial success to help fellow humans and that is beyond commendable.

Due to the public life she has created, there is a constant bounty on all things Taylor. The money that is associated with grabbing just a small glimpse of Ms. Swift living her life is unbelievable. I, personally, could not imagine having people follow me everywhere I went and writing articles on everything I do. The poor girl was bloated and attacked all over the internet for her appearance and she has, out in the open, ignored it. Kudos to her because my (bad) attitude doesn’t allow for such blatant disrespect. Every second of her life over the last 20 ish years has been held under a microscope for random people to judge. Outwardly, she handles criticism with grace. I obviously don’t know her, but I would imagine anyone having their talent and success constantly overshadowed by their appearance, lifestyle choices or lack of procreating would find it mentally taxing. I hope and believe she has a good support system to navigate the blatant disregard for the fact that she is, at the end of the day, a human with feeling and needs also.

With this public life and lack of privacy, Taylors relationships do come into the spot light. She has been mostly careful to keep as much of her private life as private as possible. It’s unfortunate but the path that she chose does not allow for such privacies and gives couch critics more content to drool over. For a person with not only her financial status but her public status, it only stands to reason that she would seek out someone to spend time with who stands on a similar platform with knowledge of the lifestyle she is forced (by her own choosing) to live. Could you imagine living a “boring” life as a local teacher and all of the sudden dating a super celeb and never having a private moment again? Even a bathroom break would be a photo-op. That is absolutely doomed before it even begins. I don’t believe that having opinions surrounding misogyny or criticism of the patriarchy and then dating someone of equal status make you a hypocrite.

As for the topic of serial dating, you don’t really get to know someone until you associate with them and actually get to know them; spend time with them. She has had some flings and some long standing relationships that didn’t work out for whatever the reason. That is between her and her (ex)partner and whoever listens to whatever song she creates from it. She is an artist and uses real life experiences to (at times) guide her. It’s her (highly successful) creative outlet. No one can throw shade on that. No one belongs in a relationship that doesn’t make them feel safe, loved, valued, supported and happy. Whatever that looks like for them. Maybe she didn’t like what she found after getting to know some of those previous encounters. Maybe the other way around. Who knows. Certainly not any of us. She doesn’t make any breakups look easy and pain free. She reinforces that her life is public and she wants a piece of privacy. So she writes about it and lets the world assume.

To answer your question, YES. I want my sisters and my daughter, my sons, nieces, nephews, friends, family and strangers to date around, if needed, to find what you need in a life partner. I don’t want anyone to ever feel trapped with another person because some man on the internet said you can’t date multiple people, or it’s not lady like. Everyone should be happy with themselves first and then add to that fulfillment with a life partner that compliments them and their unique life goals. Marriage and parenthood are absolutely not everyone’s life goal, nor should it be. I wanted children and to be a wife from the time I was little. I have friends who wanted a life partner but no children. We’re both happy with our choices. Being a successful 34 yr old woman, without a husband or children, is not old or taboo. Do we judge lets say female physicians for not already being married or having kids before their mid-thirties? I think not. Maybe she isn’t ready to be married and if that is something that she desires along the way, she is clearly working on weeding out potentials. Maybe she doesn’t want children for whatever reason she may have. And that is absolutely no ones business. What a woman does with her own uterus is on zero terms anyone’s right to judge. Stop trying to normalize questioning women about child bearing. It is not our only purpose in the world. Repeat after me – what a woman does or doesn’t do with her uterus is not your business. Speaking on a woman’s child bearing, without knowing her health history or personal choices, is not okay. Ever. People who don't want children, shouldn't feel judged about not wanting children nor should they have them for the sake of societal expectations.

In closing, WE need to be the first and most impactful role models for our children. We should be displaying all of the behaviors and qualities we want mirrored. Not someone on TV. Our purpose is to guide our children that we created and help them grow into productive members of society.  I think that Taylor Swift is an adequate display of humanity and success for little girls to look up to. I believe that having real life experiences and professions/professionals to look up to is a more realistic approach. Celebrity status is not the norm, it’s the exception and it’s a difficult life. A life changing educator, a researcher developing ground breaking advances in medicine, an agent of positive change in the government <- all examples of role models for children to learn about, among many other examples that I am not going to list because I will be writing forever. For some people, being a homemaker is where they want to be. For others, it’s a career. Fostering experiences, time and attention will help navigate our children toward the path they choose to travel versus discrediting a woman on the internet over her age and lack of children. And that friends, is my Tantrum for Tuesday for this Ducking Bullship.

#JohnMacGhlionn #TaylorSwift