Drowning in the Dating Puddle

Dating, or trying to date; Trying to see if you can build a life with another human being. Well shit. I haven't dated in a hundred years. Yes, I know that's extreme but the last time I dated there were no dating websites. I think maybe match or ok cupid or something like that was just coming around. For perspective, I met my husband in 2002. So there's that. I am definitely not qualified to speak on dating in 2024. Basically because my husband doesn't allow me to date other people. The audacity right? I just live vicariously through my friends. I share in their adventures, trials, tribulations and epic failures while they meet new people or swipe left. It's definitely something different. Browsing profiles? Stalking social media accounts looking for the unspoken spouse? Wondering if they're the next Bundy or Dahmer? Well, that last piece was still a concern back then, with less technology available for the investigations. Overall, it was a much easier time when we were younger and wanted to date, back in the 1900's. I did have some wild rides when I was in the dating game. Now, I am far too old. If I were to become single again, I'll be buying the crazy cat lady starter pack. Or marry for money. Either way, dating in today’s world is.......yikes!

Back in my day (that ducking stings), we met people in the outside world at places like a bar mostly or through people we already knew, (A friend of a friend of a friend). Gatherings, backyard barbeques or loitering in places we shouldn’t be gathering. No matter how you look at it, we were out in the very real and very big world, meeting people and learning that the world is actually pretty small. I have dated some pretty great guys. I’m still friends with (most of) them (that is a whole other discussion, trust me...I already know), and we just should have stayed friends and never tried to cross that line into “relationship” status. However the road to these relationships and meeting these people… we'll call it the learning experience.

Our first contestant on WTF were you thinking back then, he seemed like a nice guy, my age- early 20’s. Parents owned a (successful) business so that typical attitude, which I could have looked passed for a moment. We went out a couple times and it was fine, not a whirlwind sweep me off my feet kind of outing but we could hang out again. We went to get take out and watch a movie at his (parents) house. This man brought me down to the family room in the basement that smelled so badly of cat litter box that I wanted to immediately die. I did not eat takeout. And I left about halfway through the movie. Sir, you don’t smell that?? Wouldn’t you know I would see mister mister at the local dive bar the next day coming out of the restroom with a particularly well known lady in tow. I love it when the situation handles itself.

Contestant number two on clearly the frontal lobe doesn’t develop until mid-twenties as evidenced by this 21 year old choice… I met Mr. Richard in college. What could go wrong? Well, a lot of things apparently. See, Mr. Richard seemed like a great guy. We chatted in class, walked the campus together, studied together on campus a few times. Got along great. He lived a solid hour away from me and my college was closer to his corner of the world. We chatted on the phone and all in all, everything was going well. Until the day he called me while I was on a break at work, which was indeed odd he timed it perfectly, to ask me what I was doing. Then goes on to tell me he is in the parking lot of my job watching me walk down the side walk. I beg your pardon? Yea, so we started to distance ourselves just a lil bit from Mr. Pop up unannounced. And by distance ourselves, I mean me; I was the distance. The absolute demise of me ever speaking to him again – the day that not only I received over twenty phone calls but so did my sister from another mister. And when he went on to call me every name in the book, and some that weren’t even published yet, she (dis)respectfully advised him of these poor life choices he was committing while NOT even being in a relationship with me. That is the day I changed my phone number. Phew. That could’ve been a different kind of story all together.

Another 20yr old me decision - Mr. I must look at myself in every mirror we pass. Now dont get me wrong, he worked hard for his toned abs and his personal care regimen definitely outmatched mine. BUT, this man was truly in love with himself. Petting his abs and looking at himself in anything shiny. Seriously. If I had to hear about but look at how sexy these abs are one more time, I was going to throat punch him. We only went out a few times. He was late every single time cause his hair and outfit needed to be on point. I can appreciate someone who takes care of themselves but seriously dude, with the amount of self love you have why are you looking to date?

That is just a few of the numerous stories I can tell about my poor life choices in trying to pick a partner. Let’s dig into some of my friends trials and tribulations shall we? Let’s shall! One of my friends met someone as a friend of a friend and started dating for a few months which turned into years, exclusively. Now that last part is important, exclusively dating. Going on actual dates, going places, holidays, vacations and all the things dating people do. *A few years later * How’s this man have a whole other family he’s been hiding out for over a year? That he lives with. Abhorrent. Kudos to the guy when we were much younger who took a shot and came straight out and said Yea, I’m married. And if I liked my wife, I wouldn’t be here (the bar) every night. I mean, A plus for honesty boy. Very recently, one of my friends met someone online. They got along smashingly via text and decided to facetime. While on the video call, Mr. Man wipes his face with his left hand and ta-da -Wedding Band. She was actually very cool about it and told him sir, next time, take the wedding band off. Good luck in your future endeavors. Just like my arsenal of experiences, this is just a blip into the lives of my friends. But only some of them are “mine” to share.

I’ve heard so many stories from my friends from all sides of the dating pool about how the picture isn’t the person they’ve met online. Of all the things to be deceitful about, it should be common knowledge that your physical appearance shouldn’t be one of them. It will be found out. Quite quickly as a matter of fact. Unless they’re blind. No no, I mean like actually legally blind and not figuratively. Then you have a fair shot at lying about your outward appearance. Then I sit back and watch some of the people I know in real life fill their social pages with Oooh I finally found the love of my life! Dammit Amanda, I can’t keep up! What happened to Chad and Travis? I need to know!  How many soul mates do we get in 2024? Is that like the I'm sorry gift from the universe for how shit the world is right now? How many lifetimes have you lived this year if you have a new "love of your life" every few months?

I really feel for all of you. All the ladies trying to not be a statistic and all the men trying to not be baby daddy number four, and both sides trying to navigate the is the attraction to me or what I can do for you. The struggle is real, and I’m not even in it.  With the world of technology at our fingertips, the dating pool is more like a puddle after a spring shower filled with stinky shiP. We’ll circle back to this topic on dating and story time adventures but in the meantime – lets here some of your juicy dating bits! Good luck to all you dating pool divers out there, and may the odds be in your favor!

#dating #stories #adulting #love